anticipation
i hate this feeling…this feeling that something…anything…is about to happen…what it is, i have no idea..but it’s there somewhere in my head…in my tightening chest…making me forget to breathe for a minute..a second…this feeling…that makes me want to vomit, vomit the feeling away if i could, but can’t…
i hate it that i can’t explain it…or maybe i can, but am just denying the explanation that it offers…willingly…only waiting for me to accept it…or maybe i have accepted it and the accepting part makes me feel the way i am feeling now…
i hate it that everytime i feel that the feeling has finally gone…it resurfaces like somekind of monster lurking in the shadows of my mind…waiting to pounce on me like a rabid wolf…just there waiting…waiting…feeding off of me, waiting for me to break…break and just stop…stop feeling, but can’t…
i try, try so hard to figure out what this is that i’m feeling..trying so hard but failing…i just try and do anything, something that will just make me not feel and think…but everytime i try i just fail…i just want to know…want to know what this is…what it is that’s supposed to happen.. or not happen…i just want to know just so this feeling can finally stop…stop…and leave me in peace.
